Much of North America has been hit with severe winter weather. And surprisingly, this is good news for some people. Here are The Top Reasons You Love Winter.
Even Miley Cyrus has to put some damn clothes on.
Christmas lights make your trailer look less like a meth lab.
Nothing says “holiday cheer” like downing a flask of cinnamon schnapps while trying not to slit your wrist, as your tone-deaf kid butchers “O Holy Night” at the Christmas pageant.
You finally won’t look stupid in your scarf, which happens to be a Nickelback scarf . . . oh wait.
Wearing a cardigan sweater at work gives you two more places to hide a flask.
BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS…
On Friday, ESPN reportedly sent out a memo to its employees, asking them to refrain from using the word “SUCKS” on the air. And, they HAVE been overusing the word. Deadspin.com compiled a montage of people saying “sucks” on ESPN, and it’s fairly egregious.
Leonardo DiCaprio is buying an electric racecar team. As you’d probably expect, their cars are powered entirely by self-righteousness..
Well on Sunday Tom Brady’s Patriots probably saw their Super Bowl hopes die when The Gronk went down with a knee injury..so how does Tom make himself feel better? Well Tom and his supermodel wife GISELE BUNDCHEN are building a massive mansion in Brookline, Massachusetts. (Photos)
Tailgating has been BANNED at this year’s Super Bowl. (Full Story)
THIS GUY REALLY HATED TO SHOP
Guys, I know being dragged around a mall during the holidays can make you want to kill yourself. But don’t take that LITERALLY.
On Saturday, 38-year-old Tao Hsiao was shopping with his girlfriend at a mall in eastern China. (His last name is pronounced Show, as in “shower”.) And after FIVE HOURS of following her around carrying shopping bags, he wanted to go home.
But his girlfriend INSISTED on hitting one more store to check out a sale on shoes. (She hasn’t been identified.)
So Tao reminded her that she already HAD more shoes than she could ever possibly wear. Plus, he was struggling to lug all the stuff she’d ALREADY bought. But she wouldn’t back down, and accused him of trying to ruin Christmas by being CHEAP.
That’s when he dropped the shopping bags, climbed over a railing on the seventh floor, and JUMPED TO HIS DEATH. Paramedics arrived soon afterward, but he was killed instantly. The mall was packed when it happened. Luckily, he didn’t hit anyone.
(Gawker / Daily Mail) (There are some DISTURBING photos of him on the ground here. By the way, experts say Christmas shopping is so stressful, it CAN actually trigger your primal “fight or flight” response.
TOYS OLD AND NEW…
The toys kids are requesting most this year are things with names like Furby Boom, Teksta Robotic puppy, and LeapPad Ultra. I don’t even know what to make of that.
A website called MyHeritage wanted to figure out the ten most wanted Christmas toys from 100 years ago . . . so they dug through actual kids’ letters to Santa that newspapers published in 1913.
And the top 10 they came up with shows kids in 1913 had MUCH simpler requests. Check it out . . .
3. A rocking horse.
5. Mittens or gloves.
6. A toy train.
10. Ice Skates.
And the top 10 THIS year are:
1. The Furby Boom.
2. Teksta Robotic Puppy.
3. The LeapPad Ultra.
4. The Flying Fairy.
5. Big Hugs Elmo.
6. Barbie Dream House.
7. Giggly Monkey.
8. Nerf Gun.
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
On Saturday, a guy in China wanted to go home after following his girlfriend around a mall for FIVE HOURS while she did her Christmas shopping. But she said he was CHEAP, and insisted on hitting one more store to check out a shoe sale. So he hopped a railing on the seventh floor, and JUMPED TO HIS DEATH.
According to a new survey, 26% of people say they’ve had sex with an ex over the holidays . . . and 40% of single people say they’d be interested in getting-it-on with their old high school boyfriend or girlfriend this year. (
Facebook just released its list of the top 10 life events Americans posted about this year. Starting a new relationship is number one, followed by getting married, getting engaged, traveling, moving, and ending a relationship.
The average North American has 20 hours of free time each week. And the top five things we do with it are: Watching TV, reading, surfing the Internet, socializing, and watching movies.
A new survey has put together a list of the worst people on PLANES. And the top spot goes to . . . inattentive parents. They’re followed by seat kickers . . . people who smell . . . drunks . . . and people who won’t stop talking to you.
In 2009, an 18-year-old girl named Cheryl Wray was out on a date with a guy named Stephen Kittles. He noticed she was favoring her side, INSISTED she see a doctor, and it turned out to be a tumor on her pancreas the size of an ORANGE. She got life-saving surgery, and one month after they met, Cheryl proposed to STEPHEN . . . and he said yes.
Scientists identified the genes that cause men to get divorced. Yeah, they’re the tight jeans currently worn by their 23-year-old mistress.
A new species of cockroach found on the streets of Manhattan can withstand the harsh outdoor winter cold. You can recognize them by their teeny tiny down coats and banjos.
The Sportsman Channel has hired Sarah Palin to host a weekly outdoors-oriented program. When asked what the show will be about, Palin replied, “You betcha,” “Okey-dokey,” and “I’m a maverick, don’t ya know!”, until confused reporters backed away.
Former San Diego Mayor Bob Filner has been sentenced to three months of home confinement for sexually harassing women. Which he doesn’t mind since he recently moved to a nudist colony.
KANYE IS AN IDIOT BUT YOU KNEW THAT ALREADY…
KANYE WEST compared performing on tour to being a cop or a soldier over the weekend. Especially when he’s on the fake mountain that takes up a big part of his stage. He said, quote, “That mountain goes really, really high. And if I slipped . . . You never know . . . I think about my family and I’m like, ‘Wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.’
JUSTIN BIEBER said he’s just a “19-year-old boy” during an interview with RYAN SEACREST. He added, quote, “I’m becoming a man but I’m still 19, I’m still finding myself and when I have the media attacking me every day, it’s no less bullying than what happens in schools.” Meanwhile, Justin’s mother revealed that his first word was “money”.
Vegas bookies think “12 Years a Slave” will win Best Picture, Best Director and Best Actor at the Oscars . . . while CATE BLANCHETT will win Best Actress for “Blue Jasmine”.
Forbes.com has named ADAM SANDLER the Most Overpaid Actor of 2013. For every dollar Adam is paid, his movies gross just $3.40.
The data was compiled before the release of this summer’s “Grown Ups 2″, which was a big hit. And he flopped pretty hard with his previous two movies, “Jack & Jill” and “That’s My Boy”.
Sandler is followed by:
2. Katherine Heigl: Her movies earn $3.50 for every dollar she’s paid.
3. Reese Witherspoon: Her movies earn $3.90 for every dollar she’s paid.
4. Nicolas Cage: His movies earn $6 for every dollar he’s paid.
5. Kevin James: His movies earn $6.10 for every dollar he’s paid.
6. Denzel Washington: His movies earn $8.30 for every dollar he’s paid.
7. Steve Carell: His movies earn $10 for every dollar he’s paid.
8. (tie) Jennifer Aniston and Matt Damon: Their movies earn $10.60 for every dollar they’re paid.
10. Ryan Reynolds: His movies earn $10.70 for every dollar he’s paid.
METALLICA played an hour-long, 10-song set in Antarctica on Sunday, to become the first band to perform on all seven continents. The show was filmed, but it’s unclear when the footage will be made available. In the meantime, the band has posted some photos on their website. By the way, this makes Metallica the FIRST band to perform on all seven continents. FALL OUT BOY had planned on performing a show in Antarctica back in 2006, but they had to cancel it because of “uncooperative weather
Carrie Underwood Tweeted that she’s praying for “mean people” who criticized her performance last week in NBC’s “The Sound of Music”. And that she’s praying even harder for people who actually enjoyed it
The Grammy nominees for Best Rock Album include Black Sabbath, David Bowie, Led Zeppelin and Neil Young. The winner will be whoever is still alive by the time it airs in February.
Katy Perry says she could barely contain her excitement when she heard about her Grammy nominations. Based on what I’ve seen, that’s not the only thing she can barely contain.
WIN THE DAY BALLSY!