A few weeks ago, the Christian Science Society of Dixon, Illinois got international attention when someone looked at a satellite view of their church, and realized it looked like MALE GENITALIA. Like most things on the Internet, everyone had a good laugh, then immediately forgot about it. But the church didn’t forget. And now, they’ve spoken out . . . and probably sparked a whole new wave of mockery by showing they can’t take a joke. Scott Shepherd is an officer with the church. He says they had no idea that the church looked that way from the architect’s plans, and, quote, “we didn’t design it to be seen from above.” Which is kind of an amusing thing for a church to say . . Then Shepherd made SURE the church would go viral again, by going after the EVILS of the INTERNET. Quote, “The Internet has great capability for good, and great capability for gossip and destruction.” He also says the church will NOT be changing its shape
BALLSY’S SPORTS SHORTS:
In North America, sometimes it’s easy to forget how DEAD SERIOUS most of the world is about SOCCER.
RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS drummer CHAD SMITH was reminded of this last week, when he jokingly pretended to WIPE HIS BUTT with a soccer jersey in Brazil.
Chad was holding some sort of drum clinic, when someone gave him a Flamengo soccer club jersey. For some reason, he jokingly stuffed the jersey down the back of his pants. (Flamengo is a team based in Rio de Janeiro.)
The crowd around him freaked out . . . and someone even threw something at Chad’s head. On top of that, people have been THREATENING TO KILL HIM on the YouTube page where video of this insanity was posted.
Naturally, YouTube commenter threats aren’t exactly serious . . . and the Red Hot Chili Peppers have performed several shows in South America since this happened, and Chad is not dead yet . . . so it looks like he’ll survive.
Chad has since apologized. He Tweeted, quote, “I want to apologize for my inappropriate antics at the drum clinic. My joke about team rivalries went too far. Flamengo fans . . . I’m sorry.” (Here’s the video.)
Check Out a No-Look Buzzer Beater by a Basketball Player in Spain
A basketball player for Real Madrid in Spain made a CRAZY no-look buzzer beater Sunday. It happened with under a second left in the first half, when his teammate threw him an inbound pass from the other side of the court.
Then he caught it, threw it backward OVER his head while he was falling out of bounds, and it somehow went in. It didn’t end up mattering though, because Real Madrid CRUSHED the other team, 111 to 63.
(Search for “Real Madrid Player Makes No-Look Buzzer Beater.”)
PS4 IS OUT THIS FRIDAY!
The PlayStation 4 hits stores this Friday. It comes with a 500 GB hard drive and will set you back $399.99. And it won’t take long before you use the entire 500 gigs, since ALL your games are going to have to be cached to the hard drive before you can play them.
Most of this year’s big releases will be available at launch. If you’ve already bought the PS3 version of “Call of Duty: Ghosts”, “Battlefield 4″, and “Assassin’s Creed IV”, you’ll be able to upgrade them to a PS4 digital version for $9.99.
There will also be a PS4 version of “Madden 25“ in stores too, but apparently only CANADIAN stores are offering any kind of trade-in discount for your old PS3 copy. Sadly, “Grand Theft Auto V” will NOT be out on the new console any time soon.
You’ll also be able to find PS4 versions of “Minecraft”, “Angry Birds Star Wars”, “DC Universe Online”, “Injustice: Gods Among Us [Ultimate Edition]“, “LEGO Marvel Super Heroes”, “Just Dance 2014″, “FIFA 14″, and “NBA Live 14″.
One of the big changes between PS3 and the PS4 is that a $50 PlayStation Plus membership is now REQUIRED to play online. But on the plus side, the number of people you can have on your friends list will increase from 100 to 2000.
The new controller has a “Share” button built into it that allows you to capture, edit, and post clips from your last 15 minutes of game play to social media.
And there’s an app that can turn your smartphone into a second screen for the PS4 to view in-game items, buy games and download them to your console, or watch other people play. Some of your games can also be played remotely on your Vita.
(Here is an extensive FAQ the covers every detail about the new console.)
JENNA JAMESON retired from porn in 2008 saying she would, quote, “Never ever ever spread my legs again in this industry. Ever.” But TMZ says she’s BACK ON HER BACK to make some cash. She recently lost her home to foreclosure, and is in court fighting TITO ORTIZ for custody of their kids.
In the new issue of “Esquire” magazine, GEORGE CLOONEY talks smack about RUSSELL CROWE, LEONARDO DICAPRIO and ASHTON KUTCHER. He said Russell picked a fight with him several years ago for no reason . . . Leo and his crew talk smack but can’t back it up on the basketball court . . . and Ashton, at least on one occasion, Tweeted without thinking first.
The Kardashians held a yard sale Sunday, and raised $12,000 for charity. But the highlight of the day was when Kim backed into a pile of merchandise and almost fell onto her well-added backside.
There’s going to be a children’s book inspired by the song “What Does the Fox Say?“ coming out just in time for Christmas. It will be available on December 10th and set you back $17.99.
Sexy Pictures of Famous People
1. JOANNA KRUPA in a bikini is good enough. Joanna Krupa in a bikini doing handstands is better. (Here are the pics.)
2. Miss Universe GABRIELA ISLER posed in jeweled bathing suit worth $1 MILLION. (Check it out here.)
3. KELLY ROWLAND and SALMA HAYEK both showed cleavage at a British award show over the weekend. (Here are the pics.)
4. Somebody paid for two planes to fly back and forth over Malibu for an entire day with banners professing his love for PARIS HILTON. One says, quote, “Mr & Mrs. Hilton, May I court your daughter please?” (Here are some pics.)
5. They may have gone a little overboard with the Photoshop on KERRY WASHINGTON for the cover of “Lucky” magazine. (Check out the pic here.)
6. ERIC STONESTREET took a picture of SOFIA VERGARA’S butt on the set of “Modern Family”, then posted it with the caption, “Ugh. Work.” (Check it out here.)
MILEY CYRUS appeared at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Amsterdam over the weekend . . . and once again did everything she possibly could to get attention. She showed major camel toe, squeezed the latex-clad breast of her little person dancer and lit a joint onstage while accepting an award. . (Here’s video of Miley lighting up. And here are pictures of all the other chaos. Before the show, Miley posted a suggestive selfie. Check it out here.)
An anonymous source at child services says CHARLIE SHEEN, quote, “cares more about his drugs and porn stars than he does the kids.” Meanwhile, BROOKE MUELLER’S brother was given custody of their twins on Friday, which prompted Charlie to violate a gag order and call the judge, quote, “anus-brain.”
In a recent legal deposition, TOM CRUISE compared making movies to fighting in Afghanistan. But his attorney says he didn’t mean to say making movies was just as hard. He says, quote, “What Tom said, laughingly, was that sometimes, ‘That’s what it feels like.’” He added that Tom is, quote, “a staunch supporter of our troops.”
SACHA BARON COHEN pretended to KILL an 87-year-old woman at an award show over the weekend, by accidentally knocking her wheelchair off the stage. The woman had been introduced as Charlie Chaplin’s oldest living co-star. But it turned out to be a joke . . . and the lady was apparently a stuntwoman
The site SocialReader.com has put together a comprehensive list of “Every Celebrity EMINEM Has Dissed.” It’s even alphabetized.
There are 54 names on it, including: Christina Aguilera, Mariah Carey, Miley Cyrus, Ellen DeGeneres, Kevin Federline, Michael J. Fox, Norah Jones, Lady Gaga, Limp Bizkit, Lindsay Lohan, John Mayer . . .
Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen, Sarah Palin, Ben Roethlisberger, Will Smith, Britney Spears, Vanilla Ice and Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. (???) (Here’s the complete list.)
THIS GUY NEEDS HELP…OR MAYBE AN AIR COMPRESSOR!
34-year-old Edwin Charles Tobergta of Hamilton, Ohio has the unique claim of being the most prominent INFLATABLE RAFT HUMPER in America. So, uh, congrats to him.
In August of 2011, he was arrested when a neighbor spotted him having sex with a pink, inflatable pool raft in an alley. Then, this past June, he was caught doing the same thing in broad daylight, with children nearby.
Edwin was in court this week, and talked about how he’d gotten his start on inflatable humping back in 2002. He had sex with an INFLATABLE PUMPKIN that was part of a Halloween display, and he was hooked.
But the judge told him his inflatable object humping trend is, quote, “something society’s not going to tolerate.” Edwin apologized and said, quote, “I’m ready to get my life together and quit all this nonsense.”
He was sentenced to 11 months in jail for felony public indecency. (Gawker)
(Here’s a photo of Edwin in court.)
GREAT QUESTION OF THE DAY!
Will You Have Sex With Your Significant Other When They’re Sick?
Do your RAW SEXUAL URGES overpower your urges NOT to have someone breathing flu germs directly into your mouth? A LOT of people say yes.
In a new survey, only 35% of women and 29% of men say they WOULDN’T have sex with their significant other when he or she was sick.
But it would be prostitute-style “no kissing” sex . . . HALF of people say they wouldn’t kiss their significant other if they were sick. (FemaleFirst)
AROUND THE WATERCOOLER:
This is how insane our addiction to our smartphones has made us: In a new survey, 45% of people said they’ve either cheated . . . or were considering it . . . because their partner pays more attention to their PHONE than to them
According to a new study, the average woman has already started preparing for Christmas party season, and will put in 49 hours of shopping, working out, and getting ready. And women spend more time preparing for Christmas parties than any other major event . . . including weddings, birthdays, dates, and other holidays.
According to a new survey, 55% of us wish we had our own personal BUBBLE during flu season. 38% of people try to stay at least three-to-five feet away from someone who’s sick, and 36% stay at least TEN feet away. But 23% of people admitted that they make absolutely NO effort to avoid getting sick.
There’s a guy in Singapore named “Batman Suparman,” and his I.D. has been circulating online since 2008. But apparently he’s no hero, because he just admitted to identity theft, burglary, and drug charges. And a judge sentenced him to more than two-and-a-half years in PRISON.
Earlier this year, a group of high school students in Lancaster, California met an Iraq war veteran named Jerral Hancock. He was paralyzed by a roadside bomb in 2007 and lives in a mobile home with his two kids. So the students decided to do something about it, raised $80,000 in the first four months, and just bought a $264,000 property where they’re planning to build him a brand new HOUSE
CEOs and high-ranking executives have VERY sensitive, private company information on their computers. But apparently they’re willing to expose it all . . . just to look at some BARELY LEGAL BUSTY ASIAN TEENS.According to a new survey of 200 data security analysts, 40% have had to remove a virus from a senior manager’s computer because he . . . or I guess, she . . . had visited a porn site.On that note, maybe we’d have fewer bosses looking at porn at work if we had more female bosses . . . but that’s not really what people want. According to a new survey . . . totally unrelated to this porn survey . . . 35% of Americans say they PREFER a male boss. Only 23% say they prefer a female boss.
Over a fifth of women say they’re more likely to date a guy if he’s growing a mustache for “Movember.” (Full Story)
A guy in Florida got angry at his estranged wife . . . so he left a fake PIPE BOMB in the kitchen to scare her, and she called the cops. (Full Story)
According to a new study, you’re not afraid of going to the dentist because of the PAIN. It’s the sound of the DRILL. (Full Story)
A new study found that if your dad did a bunch of cocaine before you were born, you’re LESS likely to be an addict? (Full Story)
Officials in California are looking at a new bill that would require all porn actors to wear protective EYEWEAR? (Full Story)
According to a new survey, there are now 1,025,110 words in the English language. (Full Story)
A company that provides WiFi access on airplanes is introducing a new service . . . so people can annoy you by making PHONE CALLS during flights. (Full Story)
(NC-17) A guy in Russia protested the government . . . by stripping naked and nailing his FAMILY JEWELS to a cobblestone ROAD. (Full Story)
A woman in Louisiana got kidnapped. Then her FAMILY tracked her down at an abandoned house, rescued her, and KILLED the kidnapper. (Full Story)
A homeless guy in New Jersey turned in $850 he found on the street, and got to keep it when it went unclaimed. But then he lost his government benefits, because he failed to report it as INCOME. (Full Story)
A guy in England won nearly $13 MILLION in the lottery . . . then went back to his job at a nursing home the NEXT DAY, because he knew the residents needed him. And he says he has no plans to retire. (Full Story)
WHAT DO YOU THINK METAL FANS?
A psychologist in Britain recently conducted a study to find out if fans of heavy metal were actually as angry as some stereotypes would lead you to believe.
For the study, 219 women and 195 men living in the UK were asked to fill out surveys about their personality after listening to and rating 10 heavy metal tracks.
They discovered that heavy metal fans have four main personality traits: Quote, “open to new experiences,” “low self-esteem,” “a need to be individual,” and “lower-than-average religiosity.”
A separate study out of Scotland has found that fans of heavy metal and classical music have “very similar” personality traits . . . like tending to be “creative,” “at ease with themselves,” “introverted,” and borderline OBSESSIVE about their music.
The study added that some music stereotypes are TRUE.
For example, jazz fans are “creative, outgoing and chilled out,” country fans are “hard-working,” reggae fans are “laidback,” punk fans are “aggressive and creative,” and fans of indie bands “lack self-esteem.”
If I came back as a ghost, I’d use my spiritual knowledge to enlighten the living. And also watch hot chicks change.
I’d date you if you had a different face, a different body, and a completely different personality.
Can you not ruin this happy hour with your “I’m pregnant” talk?
I hate how people always knock on my head and say, “Nope . . . nothing.” Because I don’t get it.
Uncles are the worst kissers.
If dragons exist, I hope some of them have tattoos of humans on them . . . cause, hey, symmetry.
Recovering love addicts just say no to hugs.
Most Batman movies would be over in, like, five minutes if he would just CARRY A FREAKIN’ GUN
WIN THE DAY! BALLSY